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10 reasons I am going to hate this Super Bowl

by T.O. on January 22nd, 2008

We’re going to be talking about the Super Bowl a lot over the next two weeks. After all, it is the biggest sports betting event of the year, and sports betting is what we are all about. Let’s get started. I have to admit that I am not that excited about this match-up. Okay, I hate it. Here’s why:

1. Inevitability - In the dictionary under inevitable it says ‘Patriots win 2008 Super Bowl’. I like sports for the drama, and I see about as much drama in this as in an elementary school production of Cats.

2. Eli Manning - I freaking hate this guy. I live in dread of the thought that I will have to spend the next two weeks listening to how this guy has matured and led this team to the promised land. They’ll miss the fact that he is still only barely above average as a QB, and that the Giants follow a long line of teams that got to the big game only because their QB made fewer mistakes than the other guys. Eli didn’t win those games for his team - he just didn’t lose them.

3. The rest of the Mannings - The royal family of football make me so sick I might choke on my Oreo. The coverage of their every move was mind-numbing enough when three of them had played in the NFL. Now that two of them have made the Super Bowl it will be the most nauseating thing I have been subjected to since we all got to learn Jerome Bettis was from Detroit every three seconds for two weeks before the Super Bowl was played there.

4. Glendale, Arizona - The new home of the Arizona Cardinals is a beautiful stadium, but it is located in the heart of suburban hell. One huge mall full of massive, soulless stores is right beside another, covering miles and miles of desert wasteland. I’m not going to the game and frankly I’m glad. A guy can only handle so many Target stores.

5. Brett Favre isn’t there - Don’t get me wrong - I’m not a big Favre fan or a Green Bay backer. I just know that we are going to be subjected to endless speculation about the playing future of the ageless one, and if he made the Super Bowl the whole thing could have been held off for two more blissful weeks.

6. The coaches - Tom Coughlin is good at his job, and Bill Belichick is a coaching ninja. The problem, though, is that they have the combined personality of a sheet of plywood. They won’t say anything interesting, and they won’t let their players say much, either. This will be two weeks of misdirection and doublespeak.

7. The spread - The Super Bowl is supposed to be the ultimate showdown of the two best teams in the world. The two best teams would not have an opening spread of two touchdowns. Spreads that big are the ones I ignore on principle in the regular season, but now its the only game in town.

8. Deja vu - I’ve seen this game before a month ago and it wasn’t that interesting then. The Giants played well but ultimately showed that they just weren’t good enough. That time they were on their home field. Now they have to travel and play against the most focused team in the history of sports. I don’t see why I should believe that this game is going to be closer or more interesting.

9. Tom Brady as God - Don’t get me wrong, I love Brady as I do every former Michigan player. He is the best quarterback in the league in my books, and with all due respect to Eli’s big brother I don’t think it is particularly close. Despite that, the talk of Brady’s brilliance over the next two weeks will be enough to make me puke. Reporters will be tripping over themselves to find metaphors to describe their man-crushes and there will be no escaping it.

10. No Shockey - Jeremy Shockey is the only guy on either team that could have been relied on to really do something truly stupid in the lead up to the game. With him out of action the chances of a total meltdown are low. Where’s the fun in that?

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POSTED IN: Columns, NFL